How The Badger Became Stuck On Crichton's Face.
by EdenAdvance
Summary: The title says it all... the true story on what happened on Aquaria


How The Badger Became Stuck On Crichton's Face. 

TITLE: How The Badger Became Stuck On Crichton's Face.  
AUTHOR: EdenAdvance  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Crichton, the dead badger, or anything else from Farscape.   
SPOILERS: Jeremiah Crichton  
NOTE: This fic is not to be taken too seriously, because I got the idea very late at night. Also, don't read it while you're drinking or eating, there's a possibility you might choke, and then there are some nasty results.

How The Badger Became Stuck On Crichton's Face  
Copyright March 2000 

Drifting through space after being abandoned by Moya, Crichton came upon a beautiful planet called Aquaria. He decided that he might as well pay a short visit and he set course towards it. Entering the atmosphere, his ship mysteriously lost power and decided to crash. After 'landing' as Aeryn would call it, Crichton hopped out of Farscape I and looked around him. Not believing what he saw, he pinched himself and after feeling pain, he knew he was alive, and not dreaming. Before him was a huge lake and his ship had dropped him on a vast beach. Okay, not that vast, but it was a beach. For some strange reason, the beach reminded him a bit of a beach he found when he was on vacation in Australia, but the logical part of his mind said that he was miles away from Australia. 

After a while, he decided he was getting pretty hot and he went for a short swim. He swam a bit and as he was doing that, he came upon a local woman, also going for a swim. 

"Hi," said Crichton. "I'm Crichton and I mysteriously crashed here."

The local woman looked at Crichton and let out an ear-piercing shriek as she saw his white chest. Because the Aquarians always had sunshine, there wasn't a white spot to find on their body, and therefor Crichton was a bid odd. As Crichton watched the local woman run, screaming, towards the woods, he swam back towards his ship and got dressed. Then he walked on the beach until he spotted a small path leading into the woods. He decided to follow it. After a while, the path widened and Crichton could see a small village. Not knowing how they would react when they saw him, he slowly walked towards the village. When he was near the entrance of the village, a young boy spotted him and began screaming in terror. Crichton tried to shut the kid up, but his screams where heard by the other villagers, who ran towards the scene. As they saw what had frightened the boy, they yelled "Pile!" and promptly began piling him. In all the confusion, Crichton saw a change to crawl out underneath the villagers. Glad that they hadn't yet discovered that he was gone, he ran towards the forest. Soon, however, they did notice the lack of strangers, and they followed him towards the forest. 

As Crichton was running as fast as he could, searching for a place to hide and not finding any, he suddenly stumbled over a piece of wood. He flew into the bushes and hit something furry. He got up just as the villagers reach him. Feeling the stare of the locals on his back, he turned around. This time they didn't ran away in terror, but began laughing at him. Crichton, not understanding what was so funny, asked what was so funny. Still laughing, but a little less than before, they dragged him back to the village. Reaching the village, they brought him to their leader, who began laughing also. Again, Crichton asked what was so funny and this time he got a mirror shoved in his face. Looking in the mirror, he gasped in shock as he saw a piece of fur on his face. The leader of the locals asked him to sit down, and as he was sitting, the man started to tell Crichton, what was so funny.

"You have been attacked by the badger. It attached itself to your face and it will never come off again. Poor man, you've been cursed to walk around with a dead badger on your face." He said.

Crichton could not believe what he was hearing, and he began pulling at the piece of fur. He yelped in pain as he felt the pull of the dead badger. 

"Because you're so unfortunate, we will let you live and give you a piece of land to live on." The man said again...

Couple of Months later.

Crichton looked at the villagers as they waved him goodbye. He spent so much time on the planet, that he knew he would miss his new friends. All the time he lived here, the badger hadn't come off. As the villagers told D'Argo the story of the badger, Crichton knew his life was going to be hell. Every time D'Argo looked at Crichton, he burst out in giggles, pointing at the dead badger on Crichton's face. When they would reach the ship, Crichton would ask Zhaan to create a solvent, like the one they had used on Aeryn, when she was stuck on the floor. For weekens, he had reminded her of the situation, and he was sure that she would badger him with the badger for months. At least Rygel hadn't said a word about it yet, mostly because he was more interested in food. 

Crichton watched as the door of the pod opened and revealed Aeryn and Zhaan waiting for them. He was the last one to leave the pod and as soon as Aeryn saw him she started laughing and pointed at the badger. 

"Hey! It's not funny okay? And I'm sure it's all your fault that Moya starbursted." He said to Aeryn and left the room, leaving Aeryn in giggles. Zhaan followed Crichton, not laughing, because she knew the story of the badger. She found him in his quarters, staring at the wall. 

"John, I'm so sorry what happened to you. Can I do anything to help?" She asked softly, not wanting to anger the young man again. 

"Make some sort of solvent. This badger is coming off, before I die. I'm sure there's is still something of left Aeryn's solvent." Crichton said. Zhaan nodded and retreated to her lab, where she worked all night long to find a solvent that would be able to get the badger off of John's face. 

The next morning, Zhaan entered the room they use to eat in, sometimes called the mess, mostly because it was a big mess there. Anyway, as she entered the room, she could just hear Aeryn asking Crichton if the badger needed to eat also. She desperately hoped the badger would come off, before she started laughing also. As she sat down next to Crichton, she set down a bottle of solvent next to his plate. Then she looked at Aeryn.

"We're going to need your help. This solvent will be used to get the badger" she was interrupted by Aeryn giggling, "off his face. When I apply it to his face, I need you to pull." Zhaan explained and Aeryn nodded. 

Zhaan quickly applied the substance and Aeryn began pulling. Because the badger wouldn't come off, she pulled a bit harder, earning some Erp curses from Crichton. Finally, a little bit of the badger came loose, and Aeryn resumed pulling even harder. After half an arn of pulling the badger, it finally came off. When Aeryn and Zhaan looked at Crichton's face, they began giggling even more. Not understanding why they were still laughing, he grabbed the nearest mirror and looked at his face. 

"It seems the story is true, the badger won't come off.." Zhaan said, giggling. 

The spot the badger had been stuck at, was completely white, because it hadn't received sunlight while Crichton was on Aquaria. So when it came off, it left a white imprint, as if the badger was still on his face. 

The End.


End file.
